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triumphant returns [13 Mar 2006|04:26pm] days like these. you had better, set them free. just let them be, for better ways. 1 comment|post comment

[02 Dec 2005|02:51am] I trust myself as far as I can throw me ever think you could catch yourself as well as far as I've fallen, I've never gone this far down, and if I keep falling forever, will I ever hit the ground?; with all your screams of honesty, how could you never make a sound? how else to help another here? right here, right now. my best means of advice, as you rise from the ashes, a newborn phoenix, wings out spread; fly as high as possible, tear the clouds from the sky; and just watch and enjoy as the time arrives when the sun crashes into the earth and the colors from the radiating star blend together perfectly to make this sun's disappearance so visually amazing that it burns your eyes to witness. just remember this is all yours. your new horizon. 1 comment|post comment

[02 Dec 2005|02:06am] omm I've been comatose for 3 days with headache. however, the pulsating waves of agonizing pain have just begun to pass. so I'm feeling poetic. oh how so tough life has been lately. oh how so anxious I have been to feel anything. just to remind me I'm human, just to forget all the pain, just to remember how fast my sanity, amongst other things, is slipping away. just not to worry about it. I far too often realize how my expectations may be my dilema. my hope for a bright future, my need to make things greater, my desire to find a purpose. these things may, in fact, be what break me down inside. perhaps all these unrealistic expectations are what ruin me. may be I should just want the simple things in life; a steady job, my own house, or health insurance. Then again, my second guessing may be my true mistake. if I truly try to keep my goal of better days, that includes forgetting doubt and trusting in myself. then concluding that the day will arrive when all the agony and fear will dissolve. and I shall stand victorious upon my highest mountain top. post comment

[22 Nov 2005|01:58am] "dreams like these, are what make legends. moments like these, take your time and comprehend them." If you'll ever hope to feel anything inside. If you ever care to see, the blinding lights of mind. replace, devise, the pride from your lies. I'm learning all that's might, so blind to what's insight. would've, could've, should've, been anything more, anything more. decieved by the lights fabricating this dream, refracting off everything. everything. retrospective of all I've learned. yearning to feel anything. anything. next hope to contimplate, chances blown, as of late. hope to learn from this past mistake. find a way to let go of hate. be a man for better sake. 1 comment|post comment

[22 Nov 2005|01:50am] well, I'm an animal too, I've got this intellect too, I've let it all into, let go; well, I'm an animal too, and I feel just like you, well it could hurt til it's through, question. is this all I could do; well, hopes been helping me through, I hope it could help you too, is this all I could do, if it all was for you; well, I felt it too, is it something you knew?, is there that something more we could do?; hope. hope. hope. hope. running through the heart of you. tearing through the veins of you. hope that you could feel it too. cause I'm an animal too. post comment

[03 Nov 2005|03:02am] compliments of Stephen Beck: feel a little, fuck a little, feel a little more they will don't want it, don't need it, can't believe it, still see it, must be it, you fiend it, certainly, you see it. please it. for what it's worth, that is better; take a listen, hear the chatter; people blow, and that's what matters. so please continue with the laughter; additions: In all I'll ever have, I don't even want to care; I just hope to be, anything at all; I just need to make this something before I fall; I don't even want to care, I don't even want to try, I just want to do this right; post comment

[03 Nov 2005|12:31am] relation of tempation About my relation, same as temptation, my explainations seem to run too vague. and if I could stop this, clench a strong fist, have this one wish, fight the pain. I don't want to need anymore. I don't want to care for that whore. and I don't want to open that door. for whats on the otherside is far worse. feeling heartless with no remorse. just like everytime I screamed out loud. and no one heard a sound. you never heard a sound. post comment

[21 Oct 2005|02:23am] I was born innocent. In my, in know sense. I hope I find anything, worthwhile. worth why I'll, care. worth why I'll, care to feel. worthwhile to feel, to care. post comment

[19 Oct 2005|08:17pm] listen, it could be alright here, alright to hear. listen, it could have been perfect there, right there. hope, you were so close, you were right next to there. try, I swear it could be perfect, could be perfect if you could care. then to feel, realize they feel the same as you inside. to feel, felt like your heart gold could ever seem to want to try. to make, to make the best of everything I've ever known. to give, to give my lessons learned from chances that I've blown. mistakes, mistakes I know I've made along the path. to learn, to learn from them and leave them in the past. to dream, to dream perchance to hope to try at all. my brothers, my brothers here to help if I fall. to ours, to ours could you help me up again. support, supportive, let me thank you dearest friend. so listen. listen. it all could be alright. right here. post comment

lazy ka fucknugget [16 Oct 2005|01:24pm] I'm so lazy. So lazy I think I'm beginning to be addicted to being unconstructive. Today for an hour I just stopped talking and kept making noises to represent my emotions. grunts and moans became my words because being articulate seemed like too much work. Then eventually I remembered my own advice that I don't have that much time left and that I should be trying to make everything a little bit better. Then I meditated and my room dissolved, mmmm contentment. I will make it better. I will because being lazy and feeling like scum is useless. Making the best of what you are and what you may be is what I think it takes to make life everything I think it's supposed to be. post comment

[12 Oct 2005|02:32pm] mmm, bad free verse poetry I have a heart of goald I used to be just like you I used to dispise the ride now I just enjoy the roller coaster so jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water jack fell down and shot some brown and jill was filled with laughter and as a hope for future generations stand tall on your hill, and hope jill will come tumbling after, tumbling after, humbling after post comment

ommm go to sleep you junkie [06 Oct 2005|05:10am] morbid lil diddy Ever been to Insomnia? Thats how i feel. I am the millions of confused 20 somethings wandering at 4am, thinking maybe this week will be different from the last...maybe this 4am wont be as pathetic as the last...maybe this week ill find that drug that makes everything better...maybe when the doors open the sun wont hurt...maybe ill embrace it instead of crawling back towards the corner... but probably not. another week will go by that will leave me more unsatisfied than the last post comment

tra la la go fuck yourself [06 Oct 2005|02:23am] Today has been constructive. I successfully spun myself around in circles until I got so dizzy I almost felt high enough to live. here's another one. stand tall, be brave, I swore to you, it'll all be over soon. In a day, in an hour, in a second, right now, it's all goin to end. stand tall, be brave, eyes forward, now is your time. I'd like to break the hour glass. just to see right through you. I'd love to trade it all. just to give it up, just like you. and I'd never care if you'd need me to. however never caring, it's all I'll ever do. just remember what I swore to you. it'll all be over soon. post comment

[05 Oct 2005|03:18am] dreariest friend, I'm just as bad as disaster. and I don't mean for this to hurt. dearest helpless, I'm just as sad as the next line, because I can't seem to tell my own worth. fearful help this, I'm just as bad as the last rhyme, and swear to god, no one cares what we are. heart-filled promise, if I care that's all that can matter, because otherwise why would I have gone so far? try soon I cave in, my blood running thin, solve this pain within, will power cave in. post comment

rattle [05 Oct 2005|02:12am] [ mood | contemplative ] In my eyes I believe in the life that we trade, and how it's all we've ever made. And as I look to the grave and see the subtle matter of eventually, burning over me, shredding under me, ripping far beneath my soul. I know it's all I'm letting go. will we go? life. and can you rip it out. will we go? mind. state of mind is all about. it's about all your letting go. and your stay to mind. burning sense of flow. run a way soon, I just want to be free. I don't want to be all soon leaving me. I dont want to be the god you'll understand. I don't need to stick around I'll be a man. mortality arose. will we go? pain. my pain is merely doubt. can I just scream? sceaming a whisper gone to shout. your stay to mind is all about. post comment

change [05 Oct 2005|01:53am] [ mood | groggy ] Time, standing still, waste my mind for a simple thrill. I've known all along my role here. These subtle twists of fate bring forth my greatest fear. My sober defiance, or my soul's acceptance will rip me apart at the first sign of this. Just blind and wise standing still in time, allow the temptation of relaxation, to flood your mind. Soon I swear things change, seems like forever. always stays the same. post comment

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